Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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