He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
