after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
