you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
