someone get that fucking seahorse.
the day after is always just damage control
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
