Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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