im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
