Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
