I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
