My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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