I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
