I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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