oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
