this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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