I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
