I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
