Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
