oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
