The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
