R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
