i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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