Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Randomize
