The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
