Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
