dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
