Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
