Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
