i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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