glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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