there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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