pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
