I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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