Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
