I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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