went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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