You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
