i was born a porn star she said
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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