Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
