dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
