You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
