where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
