Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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