I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
