dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
