while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
