there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Come on in and take your pants off
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