Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
