my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
