I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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