I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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