So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
