Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
