oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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