How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
