there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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