So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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